Award Winning Fiction for Fiona Apple

BAM! This is what happens when you’re in a great mood, dancing in your kitchen making dinner, catching up on tweets from the day. When you’re in a good mood, you do great things. Like write (award winning fiction) about break-up-rituals and win tickets to see Fiona Apple at the Lincoln Theater.

Thank goodness Brightest Young Things does ticket give-aways. The quality of entries was quite weak, so I decide to make a go at it. The terms of the contest were this:

To win them tell us what you do when your relationships end. Best and/or worst answer wins the tickets plus a year’s supply of therapy! Okay just the tickets.

Though I made up this ritual on the fly, I would recommend it in earnest and may even employ this tool the next time heart ache comes knocking on my front door.
Get a few sheets of paper and two envelopes. Write out a list titled “Things I Will Miss.” Things will get sad-sloppy here, especially if there is bourbon. Date the bottom corner and seal that shit in an envelope titled the same. Write a second list titled “Things I Will Not Miss.” This one tends to be longer, angrier, and generally more fun. Date it and seal it in envelope two. The letters sit tight until doubt/nostalgia/booze dredges up FEELINGS. That’s when it is time to open ‘em up and see how right/wrong I was. Annotate as needed and date accordingly. Rinse and repeat as relationship debris builds up. Throw the letters away when you’re OVER IT. Until then, they will avert TERRIBLE decisions and/or feelings.

Fiona Apple Ticket Win