In Defense Of Discerning Lips

Thought Catalog published a post a few weeks ago that really got me thinking about kissing. As a regular reader, I know that they often publish opposite positions on the same topic, so this is not a critique of the post so much as a triggered rant. I do not believe in kissing everyone. I am in favour of discerning lips.

I am in favour of discernment in all aspects of life. Being able to make fine grain differentiation and discernment is a great thing that should be celebrated. It’s how animals know not to eat certain berries. It’s how chefs know not to put salt in a reduction sauce too early. Who doesn’t want to be known for discerning good from okay?

I want to kiss someone when it’s going to be good –not just okay. We all know that bad kisses are the worst, but okay kisses also have their faults too. You can’t laugh about it later, or learn what not to do – usually you just feel the absence of what is good.

Maybe I have issues. Maybe My So Called Life fucked my shit up. Maybe when Jordan Catalano told Angela Chase that he wanted to make snow in the mountains, a generation of girls were setup for failure.

In Defense of Discerning Kisses

But I don’t think so. I’ve had enough good kisses to know that when you are enchanted by someone’s mouth before your lips even touched, that when your eyes stay closed the moments after, that when you share your smiles and don’t try to hide it from the other person – that something really good has happened.

I’m not saying kisses require deep, squishy lovey feelings, but it requires something. And that something is discernment.

I’d like to quote Sharon Van Etten’s Holding Out, from Because I Was In Love, to conclude:

I’m holding out / yeah I was holding out / One night, and all I need is one more day / holding out for something that feels okay / and the only thing to do is wait / holding out, holding out, holding out for you