Words I Created in Order to Talk About My Life

These days I find myself communicating with my friends mainly via the typed word. The reasons are threefold. (1) Half of my inner circle lives in Canada and we are resource strapped twenty-somethings who don’t have fancy things like long distance phone plans. And before you ask, we don’t troll skype all day. (2) I spend at least 8 hours a day in front of the computer approximately 5 days a week and my favorite form of procrastination is writing absurd and/or epic emails. (3) No one calls anymore unless it’s a drunk-dial. And even then it’s probably a drunk-SMS. It’s like fishing but with chocolate. Or whatever it is fish really like. So basically my thumbs are in better shape than my heart. NBD.

So how do sentences look when written in the age of SMS dominated communication? Incoherent. Our auto-correct function thinks it knows better than we do. Oh silly mobile phone auto-correct, of course I meant to type McNastys. Duh. And yes, I did mean dets. Not sets. Not feta. Dets. Before you say anything, “details” clearly abrevs to “dets” not “deets.” I’m not trying to make Rachel Carson cry or add letters where they don’t belong.

I am sick of being “corrected” by my phone, so I’ve taken the effort of saving my favorite vocab words I created in order to talk about my life. Some are dull, for example: totes, WMATA, cray, weirdo, wwwwwhhhhhaaaatt. And so forth. Then it occurred to me that if I’m texting most of my friends and most of my friends are texting me, what crazy ass words are in their auto-correct? Well let me tell you.

totes
dets
deets
obvs
cray
slutsville
biznizcarding
bestie
meh
shambling
shambly
girthy
rando
gargleblasting
whorey
McNastys
cockblock

This is just a smattering but clearly the list is dominated by colloquialisms, improvised verbs and foul phrases – aka bad decisions precipitated by alcohol (no surprise there). As I learn more about the words my friends have created in order to fully capture their experiences, I will share them with you.

For now, let me leave you with a few words from my friend whom I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for 11 years. Chris is super into bicycles, has a cousin in Taiwan who raises stag beetles (apparently a popular thing for the kids to do a few years back) and offered this beautiful insight about autocorrect.

“…fuck autocorrect. Shit has me saying dumb stuff all the time.”

Amen, Chris, Amen.

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